Cute Things Dying Violently Review: Cuteness And Bloody Violence…An Addictively Fun Combination

Posted: August 26, 2011 in Now Playing (Video Game Reviews)
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Very Addictive Gameplay
Watching These Critters Die Never Gets Old

Can’t Share Created Levels Online
What’s Up The Hate Robot’s Obsession With Pinching Nipples?

Do cute little creatures deserve to die? Well obviously that answer is…No! Then again when the time calls for it there’s nothing wrong with sending cute little critters to their bloody death. Now that I think about it, I’ve decided to retract my previous answer. Yes, they deserve to die a painfully horrible death! Of course I’m not the only guy who thinks they deserve to die in Cute Things Dying Violently on Xbox Live Indie Games.

Cute Things Dying Violently, from ApathyWorks, brings an extremely addictive game filled with plenty of cute little blue balls. These critters are more than just little balls with legs. They also have those cute little voices that talk to you. How cute. However, these little critters have a big problem. That would be to escape certain death at the hands of…you. So the big question is do you want to help our cute little blue friends, or send them to their bloody deaths. What to do? Hmm, decisions…decisions.

CTDV is filled with more than 60 levels of gloom and doom for our cute blue critters. Of course it’s all up to you to lead them to that magical elevator or to their death. At first CTDV reminded me of the old school game Lemmings, but after launching a few critters with their cute little voices talking to me saying “Hello” or “Hi” along with other cute little messages I began to realize that this game was much different. Getting these little blue balls to their goal is done by launching them with your target. Using the left analong stick you guide the target to a critter. Then you grab them with the left trigger. Using the right analog stick you choose the direction and how much velocity you wish to use. Letting go of the right analog stick will then launch them to their goal or to their doom. In the beginning the controls will take some times getting used to, but after a few launches you’ll get it down. Mastering them is a completely different story.

Each puzzle filled level features plenty of challenges as well as death traps for our cute friends. You’ll find some helpful items like springs and buttons to clear obstacles. Lets also not forget about the traps ranging from deadly spikes, saw blades, fire and so much more. Anytime one of those cute little critters find their way to these items of death, well then it’s off to the little blue ball colony in the sky. As for their physical body, well let’s just say that it will be raining blood. It’s tough to see a little bugger go out like that, but sometomes it’s all in the name of progress. There’s also one other thing…a very pissed off robot who wants to kill them as well. Why does he hate them so much? Who knows. I guess it doesn’t like cute things.

Throughout my time playing CTDV I couldn’t help but laugh at all the game’s funny moments. Listening to the cute little critters begging me not to send them to their deaths at times made me have a change of heart. However, when a couple decided to call me a “shithead” or told me to go “F” myself well then it was off to the sawblade they go. Watching the terrifying moments of seeing them sawed in half, burned, and even electrocuted made me laugh. Another moment was with the boss battles with the hate robot. While it was trying to kill my cute little friends I did catch him mentioning something about pinching nipples. I don’t know what his obsession was, but I found it hilarious yet disturbing all at the same time.

CTDV is more than just a single player campaign. The game also features multiplayer where you and a friend can save and kill critters to your hearts desire. There is a catch. Like most games found on the indie games marketplace, the multiplayer is local only. I will tell you that it is a lot of fun to unleash carnage with all of your friends. However, if the game had online play over Xbox Live that would’ve put it over the top. What really makes CTDV stand out is with its full-fledged level editor where you get to create your own levels. Here you can let your creativity or your truly sadistic nature go wild. I started creating a few levels including the first boss battle in the original Sonic the Hedgehog except with a few new death inducing features to kill my little critters no matter how much they loved me or wanted to cuss me out.

For the low price of only 80 Microsoft Points ($1.00) CTDV has it all. Here you’ll find love, hate, cuteness, sadness, pleasure, drama, comedy and pinching nipples. What’s not to like about this game? You can’t go wrong when you have it all. CTDV is a must download so I suggest everyone reading this to buy the game right now. The more support you give, the more updates Apathy Games will provide. Maybe even online level sharing? We shall see. Until then it’s time for me to get back to the game acting as judge, jury and executioner to those cute little critters. Now who wants to die first?

A big thank you goes out to Alex Jordan of ApathyWorks for providing me with a review code for the game. Thanks again Alex! BH

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