ACHIEVEMENT

Definition: something accomplished by superior ability, special effort, or great courage

Xbox 360 Definition: completing a set of goals in a game followed by a distinct tone and an addition of useless gamerscore points. Also see Addiction.

Late nights. Little sleep. A lack of social interaction except for the noob that’s getting their ass kicked in Halo. He talks with that whiny annoying voice that drives you crazy except you find it bearable after living in the spirit of virtual victory on the battlefield. You listen to the agony of their defeat while he/she screams countless obscenities at you. However, you drown that noise out all because you hear that familiar sound drop. The sound of accomplishment along with a message. Achievement unlocked!

Since November of 2005, it began with the purchase of a console and a few games,  specifically Call of Duty 2. I completed basic training and then it started. The tone. The message. The increase in gamerscore by 50 points. Ok, so the points meant nothing to me. Just the achievement. I wondered what I needed to do next just to get another one. Later I went to Xbox Live Arcade and bought Gauntlet and Geometry Wars and got a few more achievements. That’s when it dawned on me. I became addicted.

Fast forward a couple of thousand cheevos and 56,000 plus gamerscore points and I’m still at it. It’s no longer an addiction. It’s a way of life. No longer am I just a gamer. Now I’m an achievement whore. My life has changed forever. Games mean nothing unless they have a fresh set of new achievements for me to unlock. Every new one I get is more satisfying then the next. Complete a level, double and triple kills, do all the spectacular shit that the average casual gamers can’t do. Yeah, the feeling is exhilarating. It’s even better than sex! Wait a minute…let me retract that statement. Sex is still better. Sorry, I guess I was in the euphoria of another achievement unlocked.

My addiction is getting to the point of wanting more than just being limited to Xbox 360 achievements. What about real life achievements? Here’s a few that I came up with:

* Wake up in the morning (10 GS)
* Call in sick to work because you want to play Skyrim or Kingdoms of Amalur (50 GS)
* Play a Call of Duty game (-100 GS)
* Have sex with a random man/woman you meet on Plenty of Fish (100 GS)
* Have sex with said person from Plenty of Fish, who you eventually find out that he/she looks like Jabba the Hutt, yet still did the deed only because you were horny that night (0 GS)
* Kill a random stranger on the street because you accidently mistaken them for a zombie (200 GS)
* Do a double tap and a teabag on that same person (300 GS)
* Tell your boss to go fuck himself/herself and then punch out your work buddy who wants a high five for your accomplishment (500 GS)

I can go all day on this. I think you get the point. It just makes me wonder what could possibly be next. Achievements Anonymous? I can see it now. Hi, my name is Brian, and I’m an achievement whore.

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Comments
  1. […] it’s age), and with added achievements for that extra replay value which really suits the achievement whore in […]

  2. […] close to Level 61 (Brick), my mission was clear. Get all the damn achievements and please the achievement whore in me. I’m so close to perfection. I can taste it. This should be easy right? Well, not […]

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