Ok car sales people, we all know how the game works. When a customer strolls in looking to make a purchase of a new or used car your goal is to make sure you keep them there as long as humanly possible. We all know those long waits they make us go through just so they can talk to the sales manager to see where they can profit most from. The other rule is to never let you leave. Leaving customers lead to possible lost sales…or do they?
In my last episode, I stormed out of a dealership after they tried to fuck me over with a $10,000 price bump along with offering $4,000 less on my trade. Add that all up and you have $14,000 in profit which would give this salesman plenty of pizza and beer for a year, or at least a trip to Las Vegas where he can blow his money on the craps tables and hookers. Now don’t get me wrong. I love the new Camaro ZL1, but I don’t love it that much when a dealership wants to publicly rape me in the process.
Now I’ve already decided that the ZL1s “juice” is no longer worth the squeeze. The ether is gone and I’ve moved on to upgrading my 2011 Camaro SS. Actually as we speak the crew at Rosner Chevrolet has already put on the new 21″ black wheels which I showed off on my Twitter and Facebook pages. They’re also installing a brand new Edelbrock E-Force supercharger as well as a Flowmaster exhaust package (spared no expense). Of course this is only “Stage 1” of the process to personalize my Camaro. “Stage 2” only requires minor details and will be performed at a later date.
Well before I go completely off topic let me go back to the salesman bravado of never letting the customer leave. While this particular salesman let me leave the dealership, I guess he had a change of heart in the next 48 hours that followed. That’s right. The son-of-a-bitch called me back and still wanted my business. So here’s what went down over the phone earlier today.
“Hello Brian, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry that we were not able to put you in the new ZL1 a couple of days ago. I was wondering if you were still interested in the car.”
Now I didn’t want to tell the guy that I wasn’t interested, or making the upgrades to my current ride (at least not yet), so I decided to play along. “Well, let’s see. I drove all the way to your dealership to buy a car only to get publicly humiliated and ass raped at the same time while you smile your way to the bank with the profits. Hmm…I really don’t know anymore. Do you think I should still be interested?”
The salesman replies “Well I apologize for any inconveniences that took place. I realized that maybe we got off on the wrong foot in the negotiations.”
“Negotiations? What negotiations? What I distinctly remember is the $14,000 you all tried to rip me off on, and then tell me what this car would go for on eBay.”
“Well Brian, I think that we can come to a better deal today. I saw the website and noticed that you were correct all along. We believe that the customer is always right. I’m willing to sell the car at the original price that was found on the Chevrolet website.”
Wow, what balls this guy has. Now he wants to come clean. So I ranted on. “So let me get this straight. At first you wanted to rip me off, then say that you were wrong, and now you want to offer me the car at the original price that it should have been in the first place. Wow, what happened. Did the truth fairy come by and tell you that you needed to stop the sleazy salesman lies. Is your sales manager low on crack and didn’t get his fix? What gives?”
“Well Brian we knew that you were really interested in the ZL1 and we want to sell this car to you.”
“Now you want to sell the car to me. What happened to Alabama man? Did he have a moment of clarity after slapping his wife around after a night of bowling with the guys and telling her that he can do whatever he wants? Did someone on eBay reject their bid? Did a Craigslist buyer change their mind? C’mon, you guys are eBay Chevrolet. With your overinflated trendy prices you should have no problem selling cars.”
You would think that the salesman would get a little upset and hang up the phone, but he didn’t. He took insult after insult from me. There must be some sort of incentive he gets for selling me the car. A day off, steak dinner, hookers, something other than the commission. He replied “I understand that your upset, and as I stated earlier we want to sell this car to you. My question is what would it take to get you in this car today?”
“Well lets see, hmm…you took off the $10,000 price hike to give me original price. Well that’s no good enough. I want full trade in value for my car and I’ll be willing to buy the car at $56,000 out the door.”
“Brian, I can’t go that low. My sales manager won’t approve that.”
“Of course you can. I don’t care about your sales manager. Remember that you want to put me in the car today, and you’ll do anything to make it happen. Well that’s my deal. Time is money my friend, and this deal won’t get any higher.”
“Well I guess we can work out something, but let me ask you that if I can’t get him to agree right away, up to what price would you be willing to pay?”
I knew this was coming, “Ah the old “up to” game. I love this one. Well what part of $56,000 out the door and full trade did you not get? Now the price is $55,000. Do you want to sell this car or not?”
“Brian, we can’t go that low. I guess you really don’t want the car. I don’t think we can do business anymore.”
The cat was finally out of the bag. It was time to end this conversation. “I knew we couldn’t do business when you tried to sell me a “bare bones” ZL1 at an overinflated price. Besides, I really don’t want the car anymore since I’m upgrading my own ride. I have to go now. I wish you the best of luck in selling that car, and tell the gold folks at eBay Chevrolet that I said hello. Good day sir!”
That was all. No more battling sales people for a car I don’t want. As I’m writing this I just received a call from Bill Schultz Chevrolet in Fort Pierce, FL and they have a black 2012 ZL1 in stock that they want to sell me. How should I reply to them?
And the hits just keep on coming.
The World According To Brian 